‘Right now, I'm more concerned about getting my rights to freely navigate a cis heteronormative society’
Pronouns: they / them
Content warning: None
Hello, I use they/them pronouns and I am trans non binary.
So I identify as queer. I think that term best describes my sexual orientation because it doesn't really box me the way other terms tend to do. It gives me the room to continue figuring out my sexual orientation, and comfortably explore my sexuality without feeling like I'm breaking all kinds of rules or that I'll be judged for it.
When it comes to being aware of my sexuality, I actually just became aware of the unique way in which I admired certain women in my late teens. So in my early 20s, I got to understand that those feelings were actually indicative of my sexual orientation. And it was really a process. And even when I got to understand that, I struggled to accept those feelings because of what I was taught about homosexuality or being attracted to somebody of the same gender. As I continued to figure myself out, and grow more into myself, while learning, and then learning what I knew about gender, I also realised that I wasn't only attracted to women, or cis women. I think there are really just certain qualities that attract me in people. And these people - they can be cis women, transgender, trans, non binary, or trans binary. And I think that's why I really just describe myself as queer, because lesbian isn't it. And bi isn't it as well. I mean, pansexual would do but I like queer more.
I came out to my family, and a few people who were close to me when I was still in college, and I only told him that I was attracted to women. And now that I'm more comfortable with my sexual and gender identity, I don't really see the need for me to come out to any other person. I think they'll really just see what they see. Like, if you happen to be around when I'm talking about my partner... then you know. Otherwise, yeah, I'm not gonna, like announce who I am to the world. I did that when I needed to. And now, I really don't see a need to do it. Coming out to me was a process of freeing myself from the burden of hiding who I am. It was mustering the courage to face the fear of letting the world see me for who I truly was. When I came out to my family, I got mixed reactions. I guess [that’s] the good thing about coming from a big family. So far I've been told that I was suffering because God was punishing me for being attracted to people of the same gender. I've been sent videos of an ex lesbian who found Jesus and got married. It hurt, initially. It was really just another reminder that love isn't as unconditional as you like to think it is. But I've learned to live with those reactions. And I think I'm really just at that point where I want to be happy. I really just want to surround myself with people who bring me joy, who accept me the way they are. Whether those people are blood or not blood related is really of no concern to me right now.
Regarding the bisexual community, there is actually a lot of biphobia in our community. You notice that even online, whenever the issue of bisexual folx comes up, the reaction - it’s really just a reminder that we really need to learn to live and let live, the same way we tell heterosexual folks to live and let us live. And many people believe that bisexual folx are confused, are selfish, or they're really just going through this phase where they're probably figuring out if they're fully into men or fully into women, and then they get to make a decision once that's become clear, which really isn't the case. And I know some lesbians even refuse to date bi women because they fear being cheated on with men. And I think that really just shows how they may just have issues they need to work on. Because I mean, lesbians also cheat. [LAUGHTER] Anyone can cheat, actually. But I think now it's just men, I think there's something about somebody dating men or having sex with... being penetrated by a penis, that kind of... I think there's really just something deeper that's going on here. And then those feelings are being projected onto bi women, which is really unfair.
Bierasure, I'd say that refers to the language or behaviour that minimises or overlooks the experiences of bi people in our community. So when I came out, I did have a few people who didn't really have any issue with my sexual orientation. And when I did so, I only told them that I was attracted to women. And like I said, I don't really plan on coming out again, with a more detailed description of my sexual orientation. I'll probably just let them know that I'm dating somebody who's non binary, or somebody who's trans. And then just take it from there. But yeah, I'm not really going to be explaining a lot of things about me now.
I'm openly queer, online and offline. And I'm no longer that concerned about being in safe spaces where I can be by myself, where I can be myself. I'm glad that I've actually just managed to be that safe space to myself. And right now, I'm more concerned about getting my rights to freely navigate a cis heteronormative society, or seek justice when my rights are violated. I'm aware that there are people, it's just always good to just be around people who won't really give me any hard time for being who I am. And I can fully talk about my partners or my challenges dating, etc. So it's good being in those spaces, I do appreciate those people. But yeah, I am my safe space.