‘They imply that it is a choice, that it is not like your natural inclination’

Pronouns: she / her

Content warning: None

And in terms of yourself, how do you self-describe?

Female.  Yeah. Crazy. I love this... Crazy. 

Crazy?

Crazy, happy crazy.

In terms of your sexuality, are there any terms that you feel strongly aligned to? Or feel you strongly disagree with?

I think I'm bisexual. But I don't mind if somebody tells me that I'm a lesbian, or somebody tells me that I'm straight. I don't mind what they want to call me. I just know what I am. 

I love it. That's brilliant. And the term 'bisexual', what do you associate with that term? What feels good about it for you? 

It just represents that I am attracted to different genders. I don't know how you call it when you are attracted to transgender as well, which I am. But I don't know that terminology. So I think terms are very important for people that need to define themselves. It's really important. So I like to respect anybody that prefer[s] one term than others. But personally, I don't care. But going back to your question - being attracted to different genders. More, more than one gender, I'll say.

And do you mind me asking, when did you first become aware of your sexuality?

I think probably when I was a teenager I started noticing that I also liked girls. And I wasn't that interested in boys that were more boyish, I was more interested in people that were more feminine or open. I wasn't straightforward, basically. And then I had a moment where I thought: "Okay, so I'm a lesbian. I only like girls." And then I thought,  "Oh, but I'm also attracted to boys. So... Oh, this is very confusing. And what is this thing?" Because I live in a country where my society, my hometown, is very narrow minded. Well it was when I was growing up. So I didn't even know that that existed. I knew that existed, male gaze, but nothing else. So I didn't know that you could be attracted to both sexes. And there was not one trans person anywhere, visible, basically. So teenage years, I started thinking: "Huh, I'm not that straight. I'm not 100% straight." Which I think that most people are not 100% straight.    

And has coming out been part of your experience?

Speaker     

Well, I never had to come out, per se. I always took it like a very natural thing. So I think I told my mom: "Mom, I think I like girls." Or something like that, and my sister. But it wasn't like a big thing, like it took me a lot of courage or... I know a lot of people feel like they have to face people that will take that as a really controversial thing. Maybe because I moved countries, so I could do whatever I want, and nobody knew who I was. So I'm from Santa Fe, and I moved to Buenos Aires. And there in Buenos Aires again, it's a big metropolis. And so I start[ed] seeing girls and it didn't matter to anybody. So I'm quite open to all my friends. But I never had like a moment where I came out. 

    I was just kind of: "Oh, now I like girls." Or "Oh, but I also like boys, I'm attracted to a trans person who doesn't define themselves with any gender." So that's how it happened. Quite organic I say. 

That's amazing. The term 'coming out', what does that term mean to you?

I think it means telling the people who you are, what you like. So I have a lot of friends who has to come out and that was a very stressful thing. And I have people that are gay or queer, and they still haven't come out, and we all know, but they don't say it. So... I think it's a big step for a lot of people. For me, coming out means that when I'm with a group of people that I don't know, they don't know that I like different genders. I just talk naturally, as if they knew, and then they have to deal with it. And then I have a lot of questions like: "Oh my god, what's that mean? And what...?" Because most of my friends in Santa Fe are straight. And then they start telling me: "Oh, I sort of like girls, and..." but they're married with men. They start conversations, but I always try to kind of go: "Boom!.. This is, this is what... I was with a girl last summer," or something like that. And they go: "What?" And everything goes normal after that. I think most people will pretend to accept it, I think. And if they don't, I don't care. 

What sorts of responses have you had from people when they found out that you're bisexual?

I think depends on the person. It's funny, when I say [it] to certain men, they feel: "Oh, that's exciting". Which I find really gross. Like: "No, that's not what it means. I don't want to have a threesome with you. That's not what it means.". I have a lot of people that accept it and then kind of are surprised that I am so naturally expressing myself with my desire of different people. Most people accepted it well, to be honest. I've never had somebody that says: "That doesn't exist", for example that I know other people have encountered that: "That doesn't exist." I think most people that I actually have to tell that I was [bi], they didn't know what it means. So when I explained they kind of accepted it, or they pretended that [they] accepted i. But they never said something really awful or hurtful or demeaning... I was lucky. I think I'm lucky. Well, it could be as well that I didn't pay attention if they had. It could be, it could be that I didn't care. 

I think I'm lucky because I know a lot of people have encountered, you know, a lot of even violence when they show affection. I never had any bad situation. I also move in environments where queerness is more allowed and more part of our life. And I love this... I know a lot of people that is queer, and that is bisexual, and that is gay or trans, so I’m  involved in that environment. And I never was in a situation where I have to tell [people who are] narrow minded or idiots or aggressive. 

You mentioned  a couple of guys had a bit of a weird reaction. Do you think being a bisexual woman affects what reactions you might have got sometimes?

Again, I never had something really offensive. So I never had a guy that would be offensive and disgusting. But I think that it could be that they might think: "Oh, I really like sex, because I like having sex with everybody." And it's not about that. If I encounter somebody that might think that, I might not pay too much attention and just avoid him. And also, I think some lesbian women that might think: "Oh, you're bisexual. So that means you... You are not a real lesbian. So we never want to have a relationship with you." I think maybe I must have heard of that as well. But again,  I never pay too much attention. So for me, idiots... I don't register them. [LAUGHTER] I just go like: "You're an idiot!" You know, "There's nothing I can do with you. So you go your way and I go my way." 

Do you think the gender of a current or previous partner of yours has affected how people have responded to your sexuality?

Probably.  I think that when you are with a boy, everybody assumes that that's it and that's the right thing to do. Not everybody, but a lot of more conventional people, people more back from my town. Not so much in London I think, but they might assume: "Okay, so you are straight, and that was a phase." Or some stupid thing like that. Whereas if you are with a girl that means: "Oh, maybe you're, you're not straight and you were lying to yourself when you were with men." 

You mentioned that other people's responses of learning of your sexuality have been very positive - are you able to give an example of a positive reaction that you've had from someone?

What comes to mind [is] when I was with a big group of people, and I'd say 99% of them are straight. And I have a doubt that one guy is not, but he's not open. So we never know. So when I said: "Oh, last summer, I was with this girl and she was blah, blah, blah." And I told the story. They were like: "What, do you like girls?" And I think that one girl in particular was so amazed by the possibility that that existed,  so she was asking me a lot of questions. And she was happy for me. And then another girl, she had travelled more, so she was saying, like: "Yeah, I have a lot of friends who are bisexual." And the conversation opened, and we were like 15 people. And everybody was really supportive,  started talking about people that they knew that they were gay, or they were queer or things like that. And it was such a nice evening, 

Where do you feel most confident expressing your sexuality? Are there any spaces that you feel that you are most welcomed and accepted as a bisexual person? Is that something that's important to you?

I think I've been more comfortable saying or expressing my interest or my attractions in environments where there’s more artsy people. More artsy people that are more open and that is not news that I could like another gender.  I think that I feel more comfortable expressing myself there. But then as I said, I just roll with who I am and then [LAUGHTER] if people is offended, or whatever, you know, whatever

I think you're awesome. That's great. [LAUGHTER] Good for you, I'm so glad.

Yeah. Go with it.  I'm too old to worry, you know?

Are you aware of any words or phrases or stereotypes, that you know of, that have been associated with people of the bisexual community?

Speaker     

Yeah, they like sex a lot. They are like, lusty, you know. And they just want to have sex. Also, that they are confused. And they don't really know what they want. They are gay, but they just don't really know what they want. Also, they're women that are angry with men. And that's why they choose women just because they're angry with men. I've heard that one. 

It's funny in my hometown, here in Santa Fe, you will hear a lot of women that are married and they're straight saying: "I'm going to become a lesbian, because I can't stand men anymore." And you think; "That's not how it works! You know, but, whatever. If you're not attracted, that's not.." anyway. And then they imply that it is a choice, that it is not like your natural inclination, but it's something that you decide. 

Are you aware of any other words or stereotypes that are associated with bisexual woman?

Well with, as I said before, other lesbians might think: "Oh, bisexuality doesn't exist and you're just here to... how do you say? Like, pick up men, but in a sexy way with other women because men like that." Or something. I think that that exists. Like I've heard people complaining about that.

What do you understand by the term 'bi erasure'?   

Bi erasure? I don't know what that means.

 I suppose, I suppose that means that they want to erase.... bisexuality? Is that it?

That's pretty much it, yeah. It's... if you want me to explain it to you, I will.  

Yeah, yeah, that would be good. 

So bierasure is the denial of bisexuality as a valid sexuality. So like you were saying before, like: "Oh, they're just angry (at men)" It's a term that people use that basically undermines it as a valid sexuality, and a valid identity. It's been interesting talking to people about that one, because some people are like: "Yes, I know exactly!" And some people are like: "What?" 

As I said before, If it's something that touches you, I think it has to do with experience and the experience that you had, you know, like trying to come out, for example.

And then you have the society around you, being really nasty to you. So then you really need to defend your position and then your sexuality and then say; "No, wait, this does exist." And so that's why you might want to.... how do you say, campaign.